pambong11
05-17-2006, 05:12 AM
Sandpaper
Pinocchio's human girlfriend has been complaining about getting splinters while they're having sex.
Pinocchio therefore goes to visit Gepetto to see if his carpenter dad could help. Gepetto suggests the wooden boy try a little sandpaper. Pinoy skips away, enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto sees Pinocchio bouncing happily through town. He asks, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replies, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
Jumpy
A young man signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed practice jumps from high structures, and finally took his first jump from the airplane. The next day, he called his father to tell him the news. "So did you jump?", the father asked.
"Well, when the sergeant opened the door and asked for volunteers, about a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!"
"Is that when you jumped?"
"Not yet. The sergeant started to grab the other men and throw them out of the door."
"Did you jump then?", asked the father.
"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the only one left. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to jump or he'd kick my ass."
"So did you jump?"
"Not then. He tried to push me out, but I held onto the door. Finally he called the jump master, who's about six-foot five and 250 pounds. The guy took his penis out and it was about 10 inches long and as big around as a baseball bat! He said, "Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this up your ass."
"So did you jump?" asked the father.
"Well, a little.... at first."
Nice house boss
Pedro calls in to work and says, "Hey boss, I cannot come to work today, I'm really sick. I got a headache, a stomach ache, and my legs hurt.
I am not coming to work." The boss says, "You know Pedro, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.
That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that." Two hours later Pedro calls again: "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great. I'll be at work soon. You got a nice house!"
Nutty nuts
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the peanuts themselves. "We can't chew them because we've no teeth." The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady answers: "We just love the chocolate around them."
Pinocchio's human girlfriend has been complaining about getting splinters while they're having sex.
Pinocchio therefore goes to visit Gepetto to see if his carpenter dad could help. Gepetto suggests the wooden boy try a little sandpaper. Pinoy skips away, enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto sees Pinocchio bouncing happily through town. He asks, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replies, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
Jumpy
A young man signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed practice jumps from high structures, and finally took his first jump from the airplane. The next day, he called his father to tell him the news. "So did you jump?", the father asked.
"Well, when the sergeant opened the door and asked for volunteers, about a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!"
"Is that when you jumped?"
"Not yet. The sergeant started to grab the other men and throw them out of the door."
"Did you jump then?", asked the father.
"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the only one left. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to jump or he'd kick my ass."
"So did you jump?"
"Not then. He tried to push me out, but I held onto the door. Finally he called the jump master, who's about six-foot five and 250 pounds. The guy took his penis out and it was about 10 inches long and as big around as a baseball bat! He said, "Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this up your ass."
"So did you jump?" asked the father.
"Well, a little.... at first."
Nice house boss
Pedro calls in to work and says, "Hey boss, I cannot come to work today, I'm really sick. I got a headache, a stomach ache, and my legs hurt.
I am not coming to work." The boss says, "You know Pedro, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.
That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that." Two hours later Pedro calls again: "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great. I'll be at work soon. You got a nice house!"
Nutty nuts
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the peanuts themselves. "We can't chew them because we've no teeth." The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady answers: "We just love the chocolate around them."