dhabuh
06-09-2006, 03:28 PM
Cowboy Musicians
Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire. One is a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor, and the last a coloratura soprano.
The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring "I just killed the king of beers!"
The trumpet player, not wanting to be outdone, tosses his empty can of Coors into the air, shoots it and declares "Ha! I just shot the silver bullet!"
The soprano, ever so demurely, reaches into her backpack, pulls out a bottle of Michelob, calmly drinks the whole thing, tosses her bottle into the air, and shoots the conductor.
Grinning broadly at her fellow musicians she says, "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this."
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Seeing Eye Dogs
Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man said, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar."
The first guy said, "No? Watch this."
So he put on some dark glasses, acted like the German Shepherd was a seeing-eye dog, walked into the bar, and ordered a drink. And no one said anything. So the second guy took out some dark glasses, slipped them on, and walked his Chihuahua into the bar.
The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't allow dogs in here."
And the man said, "It's okay. It's my seeing-eye dog."
The bartender laughed and said, "This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?"
And the guy said, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
What is Kitty?
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know that?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Understanding a Woman's Language
"Fine" - This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
"Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
"Nothing" - This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire. One is a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor, and the last a coloratura soprano.
The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring "I just killed the king of beers!"
The trumpet player, not wanting to be outdone, tosses his empty can of Coors into the air, shoots it and declares "Ha! I just shot the silver bullet!"
The soprano, ever so demurely, reaches into her backpack, pulls out a bottle of Michelob, calmly drinks the whole thing, tosses her bottle into the air, and shoots the conductor.
Grinning broadly at her fellow musicians she says, "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this."
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Seeing Eye Dogs
Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man said, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar."
The first guy said, "No? Watch this."
So he put on some dark glasses, acted like the German Shepherd was a seeing-eye dog, walked into the bar, and ordered a drink. And no one said anything. So the second guy took out some dark glasses, slipped them on, and walked his Chihuahua into the bar.
The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't allow dogs in here."
And the man said, "It's okay. It's my seeing-eye dog."
The bartender laughed and said, "This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?"
And the guy said, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
What is Kitty?
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know that?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Understanding a Woman's Language
"Fine" - This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
"Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
"Nothing" - This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.