dhabuh
06-08-2006, 12:39 AM
Volvo Driver
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his carphone.
"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "Be careful! There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".
"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"
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Noisy Neighbors
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.
After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."
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Fishing vs. Sunday School
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Johnny, is there anything wrong"?
The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church".
The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.
Johnny replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us".
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Really Drunk
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Rats," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep. "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said "Uh, yes," he said sheepishly.
"How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his carphone.
"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "Be careful! There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".
"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Noisy Neighbors
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.
After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Fishing vs. Sunday School
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Johnny, is there anything wrong"?
The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church".
The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.
Johnny replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us".
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Really Drunk
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Rats," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep. "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said "Uh, yes," he said sheepishly.
"How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."