dhabuh
06-07-2006, 10:00 AM
How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace
- Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
- Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
- Insist that your e-mail address is "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
- Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
- Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
- Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
- Come to work in your pajamas.
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
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Best Seat in The House
An old Indian lined up all of his ten sons and stood in front of them. He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Nobody answered him.
He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" And again nobody answered.
The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish. Little Indian tell truth, I no punish." So the Indian asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
The littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff. "
The old Indian then shakes him, spanks him, does everything he can to punish him. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish?"
The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down."
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Seeing Eye Dog
I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked.
Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to take a walk."
Picture this... all the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines!
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Jettison the Artillery!
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to start jettisoning cargo to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol.
"Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle.
"More!" he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.
He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol hit me on the head!"
They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!" They apologize and keep driving.
They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy replies, "I burped and a house blew up!"
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- Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
- Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
- Insist that your e-mail address is "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
- Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
- Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
- Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
- Come to work in your pajamas.
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Best Seat in The House
An old Indian lined up all of his ten sons and stood in front of them. He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Nobody answered him.
He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" And again nobody answered.
The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish. Little Indian tell truth, I no punish." So the Indian asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
The littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff. "
The old Indian then shakes him, spanks him, does everything he can to punish him. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish?"
The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down."
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Seeing Eye Dog
I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked.
Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to take a walk."
Picture this... all the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines!
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Jettison the Artillery!
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to start jettisoning cargo to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol.
"Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle.
"More!" he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.
He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol hit me on the head!"
They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!" They apologize and keep driving.
They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy replies, "I burped and a house blew up!"
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top