dhabuh
06-07-2006, 09:29 AM
An Inscription Problem
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
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Still More Reasons It's Great to be A Guy
- Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
- Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
- You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
- You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rat's butt if someone notices your new haircut.
- You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
- The world is your urinal.
- You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
- You get to jump up and slap stuff.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- One mood, all the time.
- You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just to skeevy.
- You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
- You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
- Same work....more pay.
- Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
- You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
- You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
- With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
- You don't mooch off others' desserts.
- Foreplay is optional.
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Answering Machine Message 160
You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.
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Settled the McKinney Suit
A young attorney who had taken over his father's practice rushed home elated one night.
"Dad, listen," he shouted, "I've finally settled that old McKinney suit."
"Settled it!" cried his astonished father. "Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!"
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Still More Reasons It's Great to be A Guy
- Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
- Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
- You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
- You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rat's butt if someone notices your new haircut.
- You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
- The world is your urinal.
- You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
- You get to jump up and slap stuff.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- One mood, all the time.
- You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just to skeevy.
- You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
- You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
- Same work....more pay.
- Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
- You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
- You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
- With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
- You don't mooch off others' desserts.
- Foreplay is optional.
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Answering Machine Message 160
You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.
Printer Friendly Version | Send this story to a friend | Back to Top
Settled the McKinney Suit
A young attorney who had taken over his father's practice rushed home elated one night.
"Dad, listen," he shouted, "I've finally settled that old McKinney suit."
"Settled it!" cried his astonished father. "Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!"