deviant
02-21-2007, 10:02 AM
Marriage (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I
don't expect any hassle from you I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and
don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any
comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here
or not."
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads, "Here Lies My Husband--Stiff At Last.'"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and
storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and
rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer th e phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, " Mother of Six" in
spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go
home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He
shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right
back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
*****************************************
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next
day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He
left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke
up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00
AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I
don't expect any hassle from you I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and
don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any
comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here
or not."
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads, "Here Lies My Husband--Stiff At Last.'"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and
storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and
rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer th e phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, " Mother of Six" in
spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go
home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He
shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right
back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
*****************************************
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next
day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He
left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke
up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00
AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.