dhabuh
02-18-2007, 04:10 PM
Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with
your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And
Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command
pathways?"
Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by
searching through our archives on late
Twentieth-century computing technology."
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the
computer screen.
Riker: (looks puzzled). "What the hell is
'Microsoft'? "
Data: (turns to answer). "Allow me to explain. We will
send this program, for some reason called 'Windows',
through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their
root command unit, it will begin consuming system
resources at an unstoppable rate."
Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't
they alter their processing systems to increase their
storage capacity?"
Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this,
it creates a new version of itself known as an
'upgrade'. The use of resources increases
exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not
be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of
their processing ability will be taken over and none
will be available for their normal operational
functions."
Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that
'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
... 15 Minutes Later ...
Data: "Captain, We have successfully installed the
'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it
immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however
have not received any confirmation of the expected
'upgrade'."
Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in
Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we
still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate
for their increase."
Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and
determine if their is something we have missed."
Data: "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the
failure in the 'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have
circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in
their registration cards.
Riker: "Captain we have no choice. Requesting
permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . .
."
Geordi: (excited) "Wait, Captain I just detected their
CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"
Picard: "Data, what does your scanners show?"
Data: "Apparently the Borg have found the internal
'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up
all the CPU capacity."
Picard: "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire'
can reduce their functionality. "
... Two Hours Pass ...
Riker: "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"
Geordi: "As expected the Borg are attempting to
re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and
storage demands, but each time they successfully
increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from
something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
Picard: "How much time will that buy us ?"
Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to
predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."
Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our
sector."
Picard: "Identify."
Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the
'Microsoft' logo"
Over the speakers...
"THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP
MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF
UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL
ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10
SECONDS"
Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward
hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped
objects."
Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
Riker: "Good God captain! Those are humans floating
straight toward the Borg ship with no life support
suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep
space?!"
Data: "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if
you will look closer I believe you will see that they
are carrying something recognized by twenty-first
century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and
wearing Armani suits" Riker and Picard together
horrified: "Lawyers !!"
Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up
and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the
Great Awakening."
Data: "True, but apparently some must have survived."
Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are
covering it with all types of papers."
Data: "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular
as 'red tape' it often proves fatal."
Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
Picard: "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to
watch, not even the Borg deserve that."
your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And
Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command
pathways?"
Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by
searching through our archives on late
Twentieth-century computing technology."
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the
computer screen.
Riker: (looks puzzled). "What the hell is
'Microsoft'? "
Data: (turns to answer). "Allow me to explain. We will
send this program, for some reason called 'Windows',
through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their
root command unit, it will begin consuming system
resources at an unstoppable rate."
Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't
they alter their processing systems to increase their
storage capacity?"
Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this,
it creates a new version of itself known as an
'upgrade'. The use of resources increases
exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not
be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of
their processing ability will be taken over and none
will be available for their normal operational
functions."
Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that
'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
... 15 Minutes Later ...
Data: "Captain, We have successfully installed the
'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it
immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however
have not received any confirmation of the expected
'upgrade'."
Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in
Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we
still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate
for their increase."
Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and
determine if their is something we have missed."
Data: "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the
failure in the 'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have
circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in
their registration cards.
Riker: "Captain we have no choice. Requesting
permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . .
."
Geordi: (excited) "Wait, Captain I just detected their
CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"
Picard: "Data, what does your scanners show?"
Data: "Apparently the Borg have found the internal
'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up
all the CPU capacity."
Picard: "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire'
can reduce their functionality. "
... Two Hours Pass ...
Riker: "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"
Geordi: "As expected the Borg are attempting to
re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and
storage demands, but each time they successfully
increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from
something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
Picard: "How much time will that buy us ?"
Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to
predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."
Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our
sector."
Picard: "Identify."
Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the
'Microsoft' logo"
Over the speakers...
"THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP
MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF
UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL
ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10
SECONDS"
Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward
hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped
objects."
Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
Riker: "Good God captain! Those are humans floating
straight toward the Borg ship with no life support
suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep
space?!"
Data: "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if
you will look closer I believe you will see that they
are carrying something recognized by twenty-first
century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and
wearing Armani suits" Riker and Picard together
horrified: "Lawyers !!"
Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up
and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the
Great Awakening."
Data: "True, but apparently some must have survived."
Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are
covering it with all types of papers."
Data: "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular
as 'red tape' it often proves fatal."
Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
Picard: "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to
watch, not even the Borg deserve that."