dhabuh
02-18-2007, 04:07 PM
Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to
articulate the experience more than just you've, taken
a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you
explain the situation better to your friends and
family...
Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet
paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel
it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to
look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass
12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up
putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't
stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the
toilet.
Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to
stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It
doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and
purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually
it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the
toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat
hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens
at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG
splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but
no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as
your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in
there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit
usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your
asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally
your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD.
Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the
bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at
someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then
quickly goes back in
The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before
it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and
your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette
lighter.
The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet
so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you
flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in
your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and
mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass
as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush
the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to
rise.
The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of
the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in
some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a
second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket
propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that
you no longer need to take a shit.
Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you
run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!
The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like
pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your
stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This
always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just
hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually
lasts hours.
articulate the experience more than just you've, taken
a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you
explain the situation better to your friends and
family...
Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet
paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel
it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to
look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass
12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up
putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't
stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the
toilet.
Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to
stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It
doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and
purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually
it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the
toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat
hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens
at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG
splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but
no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as
your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in
there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit
usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your
asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally
your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD.
Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the
bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at
someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then
quickly goes back in
The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before
it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and
your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette
lighter.
The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet
so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you
flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in
your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and
mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass
as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush
the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to
rise.
The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of
the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in
some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a
second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket
propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that
you no longer need to take a shit.
Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you
run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!
The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like
pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your
stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This
always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just
hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually
lasts hours.