PDA

View Full Version : Jokes 2k


dhabuh
02-13-2007, 05:23 PM
Quotes From The Stars
13) "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." (Sharon Stone)

12) "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." (Barbara Bush, Former US First Lady)

11) "Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word , meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." (Robin Williams)

10) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." (Billy Crystal)

9) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." (Rod Stewart)

8) "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're eager to meet people who do." (Henry Kissinger)

7) "My girlfriend always laughs during sex no matter what she's reading." (Steve Jobs, Founder: Apple Computer)

6) "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee, the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." (Dan Rather, News anchorman)

5) "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" (Arnold Schwartzenegger)

4) "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." (Tiger Woods)

3) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." (Roseanne)

2) According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful. (Robert De Niro)

1) AND THE NUMBER ONE QUOTE IS: See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. (Robin Williams)

dhabuh
02-13-2007, 05:24 PM
Bill and Hugh
Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. They are talking and Bill says: "I've seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!"

Hugh replies: "Well Bill, you know ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed, she's charging a small fortune."

Bill (with a chuckle): "Hugh, money's no object to me. What's her number." So, Hugh gives Bill her number and Bill sets up a date.

They meet & after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling "God...now I know why you chose the name Divine."

To which she replies: "Thank you, Bill.....and now I know how you chose the name ..... Microsoft."

dhabuh
02-13-2007, 05:24 PM
Top Ten Most Ironic Celebrity Deaths
10) Ellen DeGeneres -- Suffocates in the closet

9) Susan Lucci -- Trips and breaks her neck while running up steps to accept an Emmy

8) Farah Fawcett -- Struck by a random thought

7) Frank Sinatra -- Killed by Stranglers in the Night

6) RuPaul -- Prostate cancer

5) O.J. Simpson -- Murdered by the "real killer" in an apparent suicide

4) Madonna -- Exposure

3) Unabomber -- Mail bomb returned due to "insufficient postage"

2) Al Gore -- Dutch Elm Disease

and the *Predicted* NUMBER ONE MOST IRONIC CELEBRITY DEATH IS:

1) Bill Gates -- Falls out of a Window

dhabuh
02-13-2007, 05:25 PM
The Massage Parlour
A man decided to go to a massage parlour for the first time.When he gets there the woman is drop dead gorgeous,great big tits,nice face and an hour glass figure.Two minutes into the massage his dick is rock hard,
He asks if he can have a wank,'sure thing,' she says and leaves the room.
Five minutes later she pops her head round the door and asks him if he's finished.

dhabuh
02-13-2007, 05:26 PM
Cinderella
Cinderella wants to go to the ball more than anything.(you know the story) So all the sudden the fairy God mother appears and says she will make it so cinderella can go to the ball. The fairy god mother says to Cinderella "the only thing is you have to be back home by midnight or i will turn your pussy into a pumpkin!" So cinderella agrees and goes to the ball, she is having a great time and loses track of time. Before she knows it, its after midnight. The fairy god mother appears and says "cinderella i told you what would happen if you werent back my midnight....so POOOOOOF! all the sudden cinderellas pussy turns into a pumpkin.....The fairy god mother turns to cinderellas date and says "What do you think of that? He replies thats ok because im peter peter the pumkin eater!......HAHA