dhabuh
09-27-2006, 02:24 AM
Signs
~ On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission".
~ On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
~ Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
~ At a Music Store: "Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner."
~ On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."
~ On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a min-u-et."
~ In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
~ On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."
~ Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
~ In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"
~ On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."
~ In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."
Explaining the Flag
A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.
"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."
The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars, too!"
Purchasing Brain Power
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.
"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."
"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politician's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?"
For The Kids...
Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!
Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom!
What are you going to be when you get out of school?
An old man!
What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
I'm learning ancient history?
So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!
~ On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission".
~ On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
~ Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
~ At a Music Store: "Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner."
~ On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."
~ On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a min-u-et."
~ In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
~ On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."
~ Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
~ In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"
~ On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."
~ In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."
Explaining the Flag
A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.
"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."
The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars, too!"
Purchasing Brain Power
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.
"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."
"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politician's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?"
For The Kids...
Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!
Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom!
What are you going to be when you get out of school?
An old man!
What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
I'm learning ancient history?
So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!