dhabuh
09-27-2006, 02:19 AM
Traffic Stop
A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.
Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.
"I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.
Dumb
There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth."
The second professor says "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot."
The first professor says "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his father) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner."
The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad" and runs off.
The second professor not to be outdone says "Oh Yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to his father) Here are two pennies. With one penny buy a car and the other buy a microwave."
Sam says "OK." and leaves. The professors keep arguing.
Jay and Sam meet in the street. And they start arguing which one has the dumber father. Jay says, "Well listen. My father told me to find out if he is at the office or not. Well all he had to do was to call the office and find out himself. Two minutes and he would be done. That is stupid if I've ever heard it."
Sam says "Well that is nothing. My dad told me to buy a car with one penny and a microwave with the other. But he didn't tell me which penny was for the car and which one is for the microwave."
The Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn't Teach
10. There are about 10 types of capacitors.
9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it doesn't work.
8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
6. Always try to fix the hardware with the software.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
3. Engineers rule the world until the next revision.
2. If you like junk food, caffeine, and all-nighters, then you should go into architecture.
1. Dilbert is a documentary.
For The Kids...
What's the best way of talking to a warty witch?
By telephone!
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting!
What happened to the skeleton who went to a party?
All the others used him as a coat rack!
Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
To have his ghoul stones removed!
What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A bat mat!
Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing?
He could really get into the vaultz!
What did the demon do when he bought a new house?
He called it "Gnome Sweet Gnome"!
A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.
Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.
"I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.
Dumb
There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth."
The second professor says "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot."
The first professor says "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his father) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner."
The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad" and runs off.
The second professor not to be outdone says "Oh Yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to his father) Here are two pennies. With one penny buy a car and the other buy a microwave."
Sam says "OK." and leaves. The professors keep arguing.
Jay and Sam meet in the street. And they start arguing which one has the dumber father. Jay says, "Well listen. My father told me to find out if he is at the office or not. Well all he had to do was to call the office and find out himself. Two minutes and he would be done. That is stupid if I've ever heard it."
Sam says "Well that is nothing. My dad told me to buy a car with one penny and a microwave with the other. But he didn't tell me which penny was for the car and which one is for the microwave."
The Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn't Teach
10. There are about 10 types of capacitors.
9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it doesn't work.
8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
6. Always try to fix the hardware with the software.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
3. Engineers rule the world until the next revision.
2. If you like junk food, caffeine, and all-nighters, then you should go into architecture.
1. Dilbert is a documentary.
For The Kids...
What's the best way of talking to a warty witch?
By telephone!
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting!
What happened to the skeleton who went to a party?
All the others used him as a coat rack!
Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
To have his ghoul stones removed!
What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A bat mat!
Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing?
He could really get into the vaultz!
What did the demon do when he bought a new house?
He called it "Gnome Sweet Gnome"!