SABOG25
08-14-2006, 05:15 PM
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was
born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital
Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in
the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."
Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands,a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnny, "coz he'd be f****d if he needed glasses."
================================================== =====
A teacher gave her 5th grade class an assignment: They were to have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids came to class, and one by one, told their stories:
Little Kathy raised her hand first and said, "We live on a farm and have hens that lay eggs for market. Once we were taking a basket of eggs to market on the front seat of the pickup truck and we hit a big bump in the road. The eggs went flying and broke all over everything."
And what is the moral to that story?"
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Then little Tammy raised her hand and said, "We live on a farm, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs once, but when they hatched, we got only ten live chicks. And the
moral to that story is, don't count your chickens before they are hatched."
"That was a fine example, Tammy. Johnny, I believe you had your hand up next."
"Yes Ma'am. My daddy told me that my Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until
she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete before the blade broke off. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens!" said the horrified teacher. "What did your daddy tell you was the moral to that terrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
================================================== =====
Little Johnny goes to spend a weekend with his uncle, a wealthy farm owner.
One evening, as Uncle Ralph and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails,
they are interrupted by an out-of-breath Johnny who shouts out, "Uncle Ralph! Come
Quick! The bull is fu**ing the cow!"
Uncle Ralph, highly embarrassed, takes young Johnny aside, and explains that a certain
amount of decorum is required. "You should have said, 'The bull is surprising the cow',
not that filth you picked up on the playground,".
A few days later, Johnny comes in again as his aunt and uncle are entertaining. "Uncle
Ralph! The bull is surprising the cows!"
The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle Ralph responds by saying, "Thank you Johnny, but
surely you meant to say the cow, not cows. A bull cannot 'surprise' more than one cow
at a time, you know..."
"Oh yes, he can!" replies Johnny, "He's fucking the horse!"
================================================== =====
A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black."
A second little boy says, "Trees are definitely green."
"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!"
================================================== =====
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day when he asked his teacher a question: "Please Miss," he said, "What's a Penis?" The teacher thought it was an excellent question so she told the whole class that it would be their homework for the night. When little
Johnny got home he immediately went to his father and asked him what a penis is. His father undid his trousers and said: "Look son, that's a penis." Johnny was very pleased that it had been so easy to do his homework. The next morning, on his way to school he met Mary but she was in floods of tears. "Why are you crying?" he asked.
"Well I wasn't able to do my homework," she sobbed. "Nobody would tell me what a penis is."
"OK, I'll help you," said little Johnny. As he undid his trousers he said to Mary: "Look, you see this. Well, this is a Dick. A penis is about three inches shorter!"
================================================== =====
Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad
says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the
breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is
the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the
Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call
you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class.
Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about
this and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has
said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and
runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees
his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to
bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I
think I understand what politics is now."
"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the
Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are
being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital
Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in
the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."
Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands,a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnny, "coz he'd be f****d if he needed glasses."
================================================== =====
A teacher gave her 5th grade class an assignment: They were to have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids came to class, and one by one, told their stories:
Little Kathy raised her hand first and said, "We live on a farm and have hens that lay eggs for market. Once we were taking a basket of eggs to market on the front seat of the pickup truck and we hit a big bump in the road. The eggs went flying and broke all over everything."
And what is the moral to that story?"
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Then little Tammy raised her hand and said, "We live on a farm, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs once, but when they hatched, we got only ten live chicks. And the
moral to that story is, don't count your chickens before they are hatched."
"That was a fine example, Tammy. Johnny, I believe you had your hand up next."
"Yes Ma'am. My daddy told me that my Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until
she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete before the blade broke off. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens!" said the horrified teacher. "What did your daddy tell you was the moral to that terrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
================================================== =====
Little Johnny goes to spend a weekend with his uncle, a wealthy farm owner.
One evening, as Uncle Ralph and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails,
they are interrupted by an out-of-breath Johnny who shouts out, "Uncle Ralph! Come
Quick! The bull is fu**ing the cow!"
Uncle Ralph, highly embarrassed, takes young Johnny aside, and explains that a certain
amount of decorum is required. "You should have said, 'The bull is surprising the cow',
not that filth you picked up on the playground,".
A few days later, Johnny comes in again as his aunt and uncle are entertaining. "Uncle
Ralph! The bull is surprising the cows!"
The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle Ralph responds by saying, "Thank you Johnny, but
surely you meant to say the cow, not cows. A bull cannot 'surprise' more than one cow
at a time, you know..."
"Oh yes, he can!" replies Johnny, "He's fucking the horse!"
================================================== =====
A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black."
A second little boy says, "Trees are definitely green."
"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!"
================================================== =====
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day when he asked his teacher a question: "Please Miss," he said, "What's a Penis?" The teacher thought it was an excellent question so she told the whole class that it would be their homework for the night. When little
Johnny got home he immediately went to his father and asked him what a penis is. His father undid his trousers and said: "Look son, that's a penis." Johnny was very pleased that it had been so easy to do his homework. The next morning, on his way to school he met Mary but she was in floods of tears. "Why are you crying?" he asked.
"Well I wasn't able to do my homework," she sobbed. "Nobody would tell me what a penis is."
"OK, I'll help you," said little Johnny. As he undid his trousers he said to Mary: "Look, you see this. Well, this is a Dick. A penis is about three inches shorter!"
================================================== =====
Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad
says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the
breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is
the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the
Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call
you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class.
Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about
this and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has
said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and
runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees
his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to
bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I
think I understand what politics is now."
"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the
Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are
being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."