vcut
08-14-2006, 03:59 AM
Three third graders, an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly kid
are in the playground at recess. One of them suggests that they
play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says.
"Okay." They all agree. The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and
whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out.
His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the Hillbilly
kid whips his out. It is by far the biggest. That night, eating
dinner at home, the Hillbilly kid's mother
asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science
project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ... and during
recess, my friends and I played 'Let's see who has the largest
weenie." "What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother. "Well,
me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies and I
had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm a Hillbilly. Is
that true, Mom?" Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty-three."
************************************************** *********
How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, check your butt - make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loran, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray potential mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake pecker at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your pecker and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire pecker size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake pecker at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
************************************************** *****
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled
as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of
nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared
at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured
her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked "
They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?"
she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the
other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared
with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both
of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment.........then
took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any
of that gay shit in OUR garden."
************************************************** ******
are in the playground at recess. One of them suggests that they
play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says.
"Okay." They all agree. The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and
whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out.
His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the Hillbilly
kid whips his out. It is by far the biggest. That night, eating
dinner at home, the Hillbilly kid's mother
asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science
project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ... and during
recess, my friends and I played 'Let's see who has the largest
weenie." "What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother. "Well,
me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies and I
had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm a Hillbilly. Is
that true, Mom?" Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty-three."
************************************************** *********
How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, check your butt - make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loran, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray potential mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake pecker at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your pecker and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire pecker size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake pecker at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
************************************************** *****
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled
as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of
nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared
at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured
her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked "
They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?"
she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the
other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared
with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both
of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment.........then
took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any
of that gay shit in OUR garden."
************************************************** ******